


Coming Home

by hello-reylux (She0l)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe, Anger, Angst, Bargaining, Death, Denial, Depression, Family, Ficlet, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, In Memory of Carrie Fisher, Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-12 19:42:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9087427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/She0l/pseuds/hello-reylux
Summary: Nothing her son could do could make Leia Organa love him any less.For Carrie Fisher (1956-2016).





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Carrie Fisher](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Carrie+Fisher).



He has always felt the Force as a bright constant warmth across the stars, waiting for him.

Until the light burst into a bright implosion like a supernova.

He stopped in his tracks.

_No._

Then it ascended far, far above, too high for him to reach.

_NO._

Commander Kylo Ren’s heavy boots stomped on the ground of the Finalizer. Ringing. Ringing in his ears. He didn’t see the frightened faces of the personnel around him. He didn’t hear their words. He thundered to his quarters.

“I will kill whoever looks for me.” He heard himself declare, and his door hissed shut.

Alone in his room, Ben Solo took off his mask and threw it to the side. It rang hollow on the floor.

The furious saber surged to life. Red bathed his vision. Red. Red. Everything red. His world bathed in blood. The walls gashed orange and mangled. His side table, his bed, everything blasted away from the path of the hurricane that was Kylo Ren.

Ashes floated around the room, like the time she had taken him along to see falling snow.

He heard someone screaming in his voice.

_She can’t be gone._

He swung his saber. He hacked away at something, at everything. Sparks spouted where he slashed, like the fireworks the galaxy held for her birthday. She pointed to them as he sat on her lap, mesmerized by the sky.

_She’s gone. She’s gone._

Smoke from his wreckage assailed his nostrils. He once tried to cook for her on Mother’s Day. He had burned whatever he was baking, he forgot what it was now. He could only remember her laughter, the forgiving kiss on his cheek, her _Thank you, my dear_. _I love you._

He breathed, his lungs heaving. Sweat or tears drenched his face. He leaned against the wall and slid down to the ground.

_Mother._

_You were supposed to wait for me._

He buried his face in between his knees.

_I’m enduring this darkness for you. For us. The dream of seeing you again has been the only reason I’ve been able to hold on._

_Now how am I supposed to go on without you?_

His forehead fell to his arms. He felt his shoulders shaking. The warrior curled into himself, once again, a small child.

_What am I supposed to do now?_

_Where am I supposed to go?_

_Don’t go._

_Please don’t go._

_Please don’t leave me alone._

_I want to come home._

_I just want to come home._

Then he felt her warmth. He smelled a scent he had known all his life.

He heard a mother’s whisper meant only for her child.

Nothing he could do could make her love him any less.

The boy cried until he spent all his tears, and her son fell asleep, safe in her arms, one last time.


End file.
